It is indeed Proteus, just as I predicted. But what I didn’t predict is that the Candida is also present again. Barbara is not lucid today. She is restless and uncomfortable. She is intermittently hallucinating. She is this close to ICU psychosis. I know, because I have seen it before. I am exhausted.
I won’t lie, the worst times for me are when I have to deal with the altered mental state. It’s too much like other things I saw growing up with very ill, very elderly, family members. Intellectually, I know what it is, and that it’s not all that big a deal. That doesn’t change the gut level emotional reaction. It’s frightening. It hurts to watch it. And yet I know, if I am not here, it will get exponentially worse.
I would love to nap, but if I do, I’ll repeat Sunday night. I didn’t go to sleep until 5am Monday as a result of a 90 minute nap Sunday afternoon. So I fight to stay awake, and maintain some sort of normalcy to my routine. As if normalcy and ICU can ever coexist. Thank the Goddess that at least I don’t have to worry about the pets this time.
Originally posted at http://wyldraven.dreamwidth.org/551492.html