I think it is time we stop trying to treat grief as a mental illness, and allow people the right to grieve in this society. There are valid sociological, psychological, and physiological reasons for grief, or we wouldn’t experience it. I know what some of those reasons are, and we as a society tend to look down our noses at them. It is especially true that men are not supposed to grieve. Society expects us to “get over it”, or to “buck up”, as a friend described it tonight.
I can’t “get over it”. Right now, I don’t want to. I do want to get better, and to somehow learn to restart my life. I have never lived alone, so this will be a very difficult thing for me to do. I am afraid of it. I’m trying to build a new life for myself without Barbara. That means getting myself some grief counseling, and doing some difficult self-improvement and self-exploration work.
I am seeking counseling, and will keep the appointment with the psychiatrist. I intend to tell him I don’t need psychoactive drugs. I hope he agrees, but if not, I will give fair consideration to any recommendation he makes. I need to fix me.
As an aside, I’m codependent enough without taking on everyone else who has had bad reactions to Cymbalta or withdrawal from it. So if you read this, and it helps you, great. If it doesn’t, that’s OK too.