June 8. Six months ago. And I am still here, and slowly getting better. I wonder still if I will ever be better. Or is grief, like life, a journey with only one way out? Will I grieve the rest of my life? While talking about that with a friend online, she reminded me of this old quote, the source of which is elusive.
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When she reminded me of it (Thanks, Lynnie), I went searching to see if I could find a source. I found this site: A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime, which has a nice discussion on the quote, and lists a copyright. I think the intent is to copyright the discussion, not the quote.
Anyway, in light of what today is, I became quite philosophical about the quote, and my time with Barbara. I have no doubt that I came into her life for a Reason, and it’s not egotistical of me to recognize what I gave her. What I can’t figure out, though, is why she came into my life. Was she there for a Reason, a Season, a Lifetime? In some ways, it seems as if they all were true.
A Reason: Barbara gave me the courage to be wholly who I am, to drop masks that I had worn for my entire life, and just be me, completely. That was such a freeing experience, that even though it didn’t outlive her, I will be forever grateful for it. I struggle to continue to live my life, rather than the one society demands of me. I will continue that struggle though, in honor of her. So yes, a Reason.
A Season: Well, that one is pretty clear. Seven years is but a season in the life span of a modern human being. Hell, it was only half of the autumn of my life.
They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
She did that. She brought me peace, joy, and she made me laugh. She beamed with pride every time she made me laugh. She made it a personal mission to do so at every opportunity. So yes, a Season.
A Lifetime: No Barbara and I did not get to spend this lifetime together. She firmly believed we had spent prior lifetimes together though.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Did she teach me lifetime lessons? Undoubtedly. She taught me to always be true to myself. She would happily quote Shakespeare to me:
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
She urged me to be careful what I said, because words have power, and how we use words will affect us in ways we cannot understand. As a linguist and a witch, she firmly believed that language creates reality. “Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it.” An old cliché, but no less true for it. I could go on and on, but two examples are enough, I think. So yes, a Lifetime.
I love you dear, and I miss you. I’m still here. I survived six months. I guess that means I am here to stay. I know exactly what to do, and at the same time, I have no idea.